Typically, you will find a guest speaker or a story to dispense some profound thoughts – preferably briefly -- I hope to do things a little differently and share a personal journey, that changed the way I view things. So, today is all about me, And I will let you can draw your own conclusions.
So, what makes me different or more qualified to talk to you today, well the truth is nothing. But what I can tell you is that I have had a few life events that changed my life forever. And in those moments I gained some clarity on what the most important things in life are to me.
Needless to say, my message comes at a somewhat unique time. While we gather to enjoy lunch and make new connections, we also gather at a time when there is tremendous anxiety in the marketplace and throughout the world. My personal story is about what changed in me to help me make these uncertain times….well, a little more certain. I come to you as a young professional and as a resident of Vero Beach. But, most importantly, I come to you as a member of this group, a network where there are people from all over the US and beyond that helped push me to do things I didn't think were possible. And, that is one of the reasons why I am with you today.
By no stretch of the imagination have I done anything extraordinary, but I have been extremely fortunate to find Vero Beach, a town I believe in and place I had a chance to build something.
I moved down here almost 6 years ago, and while I have always been connected with Vero, it has been difficult to fully commit because of the opportunities available. But over time, I have made some big investments of my time and as a result, I have been able to make some really fun and exciting decisions (and some really difficult ones too) and those decisions inevitably causes a revolving whirlwind of changes that never sleeps. But as I write this here today, I can tell you that if there is one thing that has never changed and that has remained consistent is that the most important things in life are your family, your friends, your health, and your networks -- as they have been the lifeblood that keeps me moving forward.
That wasn’t so clear a year ago today, I was in a different mindset about myself and my business. I started putting in hours beyond hours, which included powerpoints, excel, data, typing out business proposals, I taught myself contracts and negotiation. And, I was busting my tail to play politics in a business --- and what I found is that I wasn’t getting any farther ahead, my clients were suffering, and my wife and son were being ignored. I was obsessed with winning. I mean there were nights I would sit and type out emails and notes and send them out a 1am and 2am just to show that I was working later than anyone else, and for what? I suspect some of you find yourselves in these moments too. What is interesting as I reflect back to those days our focus was to hustle because we wanted to, because if goals were not met than I no longer had a place to work anyway. Whereas, a year ago it was different and my goals changed and I became obsessed with winning a zero sum game. You need to remember, that at the time I assumed I was doing everything perfectly b/c I would come home, kiss my son, my wife goodnight, and then go back out to work.
It is no secret that there is a delicate balance between work, family, and your own life; and holding that balance is key. Like the butterfly effect, in a single second of time for me is what created an imbalance -- and, as we all know, life always finds a way to shake things up when you least expect it. On August 30, 2008 I had just returned home from a business trip when my 15 month old son, Raymond wasn’t feeling well and I looked at my wife and said we need to go to the ER. That was the start of our journey through 3 ERs, 20 MDs, and then spent 2 nights in a hospital room with no answers. I then, pulled one of the greatest sins in the ever popular Carnagie’s ‘how to win over and influence people’; -- I grabbed a nurse’s arm to get her attention. I know there are nurses out there and they will validate that statement. So, if you are not listening, I give you this one thing to take away --- Just don’t ever do it. In my defense I was desperate and crazed and that was the only way I thought I could get a reaction. I got a reaction…..
You see at this time I was completely hyper-focused on work. And, it was also a moment when my infant son, Raymond, was at his weakest moments, I was exhausted, sick to my stomach, and I was not getting any answers on what was wrong……and in a flash, I felt like a sling shot has just pulled me from one side of the world to the other….in what seemed like an eternity, was really just a split second that I had to completely adjust from moving from work to my family.
So, after 4 frightening days of not knowing anything, my wife and I had to hand Raymond over to doctors for testing. And then came the paperwork, god the paperwork was endless. I had spent the past year learning about writing agreements and contracts which I can tell you is boring, not fun, and horrible. So, as I sat in reading this 6 page contract on law suits and disclaimers…. I can tell you that in the moments of exhaustion and terror, you will sign anything. So, after the “legal work” -- I remember sitting in a “quiet room” while we waited for some diagnosis and that is the moment I had a sense of clarity that hit me. I reflected on what had happened during the past 4 days, where I had been mentally the past year with work, and in that moment -- I would have given anything to have that time back with my wife and son. Not because I wanted to work less, but I wanted to work smarter. And, so I had some clarity on how I was going to change: particularly my work, my family, and myself (no matter how things turned out).
It turned out that my 15 month old contracted salmonella. Rather than the infection hitting his intestine, it went into his bloodstream and it somehow landed in his L-5 vertebra and disc. I can tell you with certainty if Kathy and I were not persistent, and forced our concerns upon the doctors and staff (see blog post Bull Dog on Red Meat).
So, let me back up 6 years --- you need to understand that I am one of those people who tracks every New Year’s Resolutions. As Kathy would say, it’s obnoxious, but you need to understand that I am one who distributed a 6 page powerpoint to my family prior to my son being born. I just wanted everyone to be on the same page. I can tell you in childbirth, nothing goes as planned. The point is, that I am so passionately clear about my goals that I keep track of them. So as we travel back to 2003, my Goals were clear; I had 44 goals I wanted to accomplish…..44. I tracked them Red, Yellow, Blue, Green. They ranged from health, to buying a new car, to fixing the garage door. But the #1 priority for me that year (the one at the top of the list) was ---- to catch 7 Species of fish. So, out of the 44 goals, putting a line in the water with fake bait was my top priority and focus.
And, so fast forward 6 years, and after almost 2 months in the hospital/doctors visits/physical therapy --- in December I was typing my goals for 2009. And as I reflected on that moment in the hospital, I typed out only 4 goals. At the time with the hospital stay, bills, my priority at that moment was to get financially organized. And when I looked back at years prior, I noticed that in 6 years, I moved from 44 to 4, and what I affectionately refer to as moving from Fishing to Finance.
Many of you say, well he just matured. I can assure you that I am no more mature today than I was 6 years ago, just ask my friends. You can ask my wife, and the group I was with last Thursday. What happened was a life changing moment that clarified how important having a balance. It is easier said than done, but I knew if I focused my energy on the things that mattered most, (the things I could control), and people I wanted to invest in….everything else was gravy.
So, how did I move from 44 to 4 Goals? And, what was it that perpetuated those goals? I didn’t want to be lazier. And I certainly didn’t want to accomplish anything less. In fact, I put more pressure on myself and do more and more. What I did want to do was focus on the things that really mattered to me, my wife, my son, and my family.
Today – what are those goals?
1. Get financially organized. -- seems obvious, really, really, really obvious -- but I can tell you that everyone (particularly in this economy) must to get back to the basics of my personal Finances.
2. Be a better husband and father -- be at home and in the moment. It is one thing to be with someone and it is another to be in the moment with them. I can tell you it is difficult to not bring work home with you, especially when you are passionate about what you do.
3. Stay Healthy! – how can I be a good father and husband if I am not healthy myself? Prior to Raymond getting ill, I had been training for a half marathon. I ran the bridges sometimes twice daily. I can tell you that if I was not in the shape I had been in at that time, I would never have been able to carry him for two days in a row while he was sick.
4. Invest in my community – This community supported me through a very difficult time and without Vero Beach, I would not have made it. So, I donate my time to the Riverside Children’s Theater because it is a special and unique place that genuinely interested in children.
I pulled a passage from a letter I wrote to one of my doctors who treated my son. I thought it was relative to today:
Dr. Moran, I can't quite find the words to say thank you. Kathy and I are still adjusting to the fact Raymond can take a bath again – what a heartwarming milestone that has nothing to do with forecasting or critical metrics. I have learned a lot in these past few months, most notably is that terrifying moments can hit you with such violence and without warning. Even harder to understand is how little control we really have. I think most importantly though is that it is how my family, my friends, and my community supported us at our weakest moments --- and they were key to our survival. And, while we have survived the damage; I am now asking is life living me or am I living it?
Several years ago, one of the top businessmen in Vero Beach said to me that I would never find a job in Vero Beach. There was no place for me here because of my age and because of my experience. At the time I had almost 10 years of work experience and an MBA. And, I thought how could that be?
In closing, I will first tell you there are serious consequences to not taking advantage of your resources, your friends, and your networks.
Secondly, I also want you to know that my son, Raymond is 2 1/2. He has made a full recovery. He is still the only documented case in the US that has had this infection and I can tell you that he is jumping around and healthier than ever.
Good luck writing your New Years Resolutions! PT
